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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, she, labels herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my version of living actively: noticing the details, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not all people enjoys being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video now and then would be fun for her. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend film you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to honor Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some real memories, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?